Jimmy Pink Cheeks Says...

2003-04-30T13:38:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Jimmy is still here...if anyone is looking.

Jimmy suffered from reality overload combined with writers block, otherwise known as extreme laziness. Did you miss the Jimster? Jimmy has received dozens of emails from loyal readers asking what happened since there have been no posts since April 17. Nothing wrong with Jimmy. I had to re-immerse myself in my more familiar world of sports(nba playoffs), cold beer and ladies, aka The Jimmy Food Group. This past weekend I thought I may have overdosed on them, but alas, can you really overdose on any of those 3 things? Jimmy say no way Jose. Jimmy also will be celebrating his 33rd birthday this friday, hopefully the celebration will include contributions from the 3 Jimmy-Food groups.

Jimmy must admit that the news has been watched, but not nearly on the scale it was during the war. Foxnews overdose was a contributing factor in my blogging hiatus. So, whats going in this supremely fucked up world we live in? Lets see:

SARS. This shit is fuckin whak, eh dude/chick? Maybe it'll spread to North Korea. Some would say its wrong to say that. Jimmy says those people can can go play on the freeway. For more info on SARS, go watch the news.

Hometown news went national yesterday when a 9 foot Alligator was found in the streets of a suburb of Houston. (Katy, TX) The incident actually happened a few blocks from one of Jimmy's buddies that lives in the Cinco Ranch neighborhood. Apparently, the Game Warden determined the gator was too big to catch and relocate, so he lasso'd the thing, drug it behind his truck then shot / killed it. Some residents were upset at the treatment of the big gator. Shut your crying pie holes people. I bet you wouldnt be so sympathetic had the gator eaten Fido or got hold of a kid. The dragging didnt hurt the gator as its skin is so rough and hard, besides, if it was hurt by the dragging, it was immediately put out of any misery by a few bullets.

Madonnas new album debuted at #1. Jimmy saw the so-called controversial video. I was unimpressed, except for the fact that Madonna is still HOT.

The Laci Peterson murder case is all over the news. Does anyone believe that Scott Peterson is innocent? Did he get Johnny Cochran? If the cement mixer doesnt fit, you must acquit. You gotta be seriously fucked in the head and have no heart to murder your wife and unborn son. Scott pleaded not guilty, so I guess we will see another OJ-esque trial on tv. Yippee. Hopefully the murderer will be convicted in this trial. OJ is still desperately searching for his ex wifes killer, he is scouring the golf courses in southern Florida.

Is that smile painted on Elizabeth Smart's face?

Well, Jimmy is all typed out. Im gonna make like a baby and head out, peeps. Jimmy will try to post on a more frequent basis, so stay down wit da Jimster.

JPC

2003-04-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

Following is a transcript of the Judges ruling in the Shoe Bomber case:

Ruling by Judge William Young

U.S. District Court Judge William Young made the following statement in sentencing "shoe bomber" Richard Reid to prison. It is noteworthy, and deserves to be remembered far longer than he predicts. I commend it to you and to anyone you might wish to forward it to.

January 30, 2003 United States vs. Reid. Judge Young: Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you.

On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General.

On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutive with the other. That's 80 years.

On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 for the aggregate fine of $2 million.

The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines.

The Court imposes upon you the $800 special assessment.

The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further.

This is the sentence that is provided for by our statues. It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence. Let me explain this to you.

We are not afraid of any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is all too much war talk here. And I say that to everyone with the utmost respect.

Here in this court , where we deal with individuals as individuals, and care for individuals as individuals, as human beings we reach out for justice, you are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to call you a soldier gives you far too much stature. Whether it is the officers of government who do it or your attorney who does it, or that happens to be your view, you are a terrorist.

And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not treat with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice.

So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But you are not that big. You're no warrior. I know warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal guilty of multiple attempted murders.

In a very real sense Trooper Santigo had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and where the TV crews were and he said you're no big deal. You're no big deal.

What your counsel, what your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today? I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing. And I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you. But as I search this entire record it comes as close to understanding as I know.

It seems to me you hate the one thing that is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose.

Here, in this society, the very winds carry freedom. They carry it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely.

It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf and have filed appeals, will go on in their, their representation of you before other judges. We are about it. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bear any burden, pay any price, to preserve our freedoms.

Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or I say here. Day after tomorrow it will be forgotten. But this, however, will long endure. Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice,individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done.

The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged, and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.

See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom. You know it always will.

Custody Mr. Officer. Stand him down.

How much of this Judge's comments did you hear on our TV sets?

Jimmy didnt hear any of this, did you? Good job Judge!

JPC

2003-04-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Too much beer, too many crawfish and not much sleep this past weekend make Jimmy unmotivated to blog.

Tuesday morning and just now recovering.

Jimmys head is shaved ya know (mother nature did half the work), ever had a sunburn on the top of your head? Kinda sux.

So, Syria, looks like your next. Dont fuck with us, were syrias.

Jimmy will be back when brain is functioning in a literary sense.

JPC

2003-04-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

So, did we fuckin steamroll through Iraq or what? We just took over an entire country in 3 weeks. I don’t think many people know how unbelievable that really is. Kinda sends notice to those who wanna try and fuck with us doesn’t it? Fuck with the Bull, get the Horns. Looks like their maybe one more battle in Trisquit, damn the Jimmy loves them crackers. Trisquit is the hometown of SoDamn Insane, ya know. Hey, do ya think they will have signs on the outskirts of that city in a few weeks saying “Welcome to Tikrit, Hometown of Saddam Hussein” ? Jimmy would guess not. Maybe they should get a keebler elf statue saying “welcome to Triscuit.”

What a scene in Baghdad this week, the statue toppling, people dancing in the street saying, USA, Thank You Bush, Thank You USA, people smacking likenesses of Saddam with the soles of their shoes, which is apparently a huge put down in the Arabic world.
That’s the first ever peaceful looting Ive seen. I saw one guy pulling, by himself, an entire trailer loaded with vases, a desk, lamps, lol… hilarious. I say let them loot the government buildings.

Im waiting for Janeane Garafalo to pay her debt to President Bush. Shes supposed to deliver him a fruitcake or something like that. A fruitcake delivering a fruitcake. Perfect.

Hey, ya know what the Jimster would like to do this weekend, I’d like to slap the real face of Jacque Chirac with my own hand, then plant Jimmys size 14 shoe right to his head. I’d leave a big Air Jordan symbol tattooed on his forehead, lol, that little bitch. Shut yur pie hole Chirac and get Jimmy a croissant, after all you look like and have the demeanor of a waiter. As in lets “wait” for the US to remove Hussein, then we can try to undermine them after they finish the job. Well a big Texas size FUCK YOU to you from Jimmy and our Texas native President ol Dubbyah.

Jimmy has obtained a secret audio tape of an un-named U.S. enforcer "speaking" with Chirac and Schroeder. LISTEN

Here is another Jimmy News exclusive audio clip of German Chancellor Schroeder speaking with a girl. LISTEN

Hey Chirac, why don’t you come on down to Texas. Jimmy will take you on a night snipe hunt. You’ll love it. Click here to listen to a sample of how it would go between Jimmy and Jacque.

So, liberals, what say you now? Whats that? I cant hear you? Remove the crow from your mouth and maybe Jimmy can understand your babbling. Nah, on second thought, just keep your stupid ass pie holes shut.

I don’t know about you guys and gals, but its Friday and Jimmy is ready for some happy fun time. I had 2 dozen oysters on the half shell for lunch, so if the old adage about oysters is true, Jimmy is gonna be needin some really happy fun time tonight. Where all da Houston ladies at tonight? Jimmy gonna be on the prowl tonight.

JPC

2003-04-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

British intelligence claims Saddam made it out of the site that was bombed Monday. U.S. intelligence claims Saddam never left. So who are we to believe? James Bond or XXX ? Dead or alive, it really doesnt matter, cuz this guy is history. Im watching video of Iraqis dancing in the street, kissing pictures of President Bush, riding pony on the statue head of Saddam as its pulled down the street, Iraqi's hitting pictures of Saddam with shoes. The video of the big statue of Saddam being draped with the American flag and then pulled down was amazing. Its now plainly obvious that the people of Iraq are glad we are there. Decades of brutal dictatorship is now ending and the people are rejoicing. The only reason we werent there sooner is due to the Axis of Punk Ass Wussies (France, Germany, Russia). You, the Iraqi people, have them to thank for your prolonged suffering. So, fuck you France, fuck you Germany, fuck you Russia. Take your inspections work arguments, take your anti americanism and take your own heads and shove them straight up your bitch asses. PUNKS!

French idiot Chirac announced that the UN and only the UN should be in charge, fully, of the reconstruction of Iraq. The UN, what a fucking joke. Chirac, the German Chancellor (cant think of his name right now so lets just call him Hans) and Putin will meet in St. Petersburg to discuss what to do with Iraq, now that we have done all the work. Yeah, right. The U.S. will tell you what role you will play, you little pussies. Have your little meeting of the bitches, jam your thumbs up each others asses, put on dresses and prance around like the fairy's you are. You will know your role when we tell it to you, and then you'll shut your mouths and do what your told, like the good little bitches you are. Unless you want to be next? Who else wants some? We'll fuck you up...and then some.

JPC

2003-04-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

Jimmy has been a little burned out lately, Foxnews channel burnout, so a few days off were necessary to the well being of the Jimster.

Congratulations to the Syracuse Orangemen on winning the NCAA Basketball National Championship last night. Great game.

I hear that Geraldo Rivera was the victim of some stink palms courtesy of the 101st Airborne he used to be embedded with. Apparently, some of the soldiers that didnt like the reporter gave him a handshake, but wiping their hand up inside their buttcracks beforehand, hence, the stink palm. Classic old school maneuver. Jimmy sends a shout out to those responsible, good job guys!

How about the footage from Greg Kelley of Foxnews standing on the grounds in front of the Presidential Palace in Baghdad? Is that not amazing? Most of the footage provided by Kelley and his crew have been outstanding. American tanks rolling down Baghdad Blvd was truly a portrait of dominance. Then you have the Iraqi Minister of Disinformation saying Iraq is winning the war and Americans are nowhere near Baghdad. Ummm, take a look about 200 yards to your left you retard. This guy is actually comical. Whenever he speaks, I really do start laughing, as blatant stupidity always amuses Jimmy. Actually this guy knows he's about to be forced into retirement, but probably has a gun to his head to go out and say that they are winning. Hopefully, Saturday Night Live, one of Jimmys favorite shows, will do a sketch parody featuring this idiot.

SADDAM CRATERED?

Last night a large crater was created in a place where Saddam and his sons were believed to be. How we will ever determine if Saddam was in the building when it exploded is very intriguing. If he was there, he is literally in pieces, tiny pieces. Too bad, so sad. LOL. Fuck you Saddam. This guy is cagy though, like a cockroach. We need to stamp him out, then lift up the shoe and see him splattered all over the bottom. Did you people see the crater created by those JDAM's, jeeeeeez! Whatever was there aint there no more. We'll see if Saddam pops up somewhere else. I think he left the country weeks ago, hiding out in Syria somewhere. Hopefully Im wrong and he was blown to smithereens last night. Pilots of the plane that dropped the ordinance say that command told them "This is the big one." Pilots of the US B-1 Bomber said they dropped four GBU-31 2000lb precision bombs, two with delay fuses, on the target. 8,000 Pounds of Bombs on one target. Do you think Saddam had time to say "OH SHIT!!" I doubt it, if he was there that is. The same plane went on to drop 17 more JDAM's before returning to base. We can seriously fuck some shit up cant we? Dont ya love it? JImmy does. Who else want some?

Does everybody else have the same attitude at the United Nations that I have now? Like when you see Kofi Annan talking....Im like......ahhhhh, shut the hell up. Your worthless. I consider the UN about as powerful as a girl scout troop, except they dont make those tasty cookies. Hey Kofi, maybe you should look in to the cookie deal, might give you guys a purpose again. The United States will TELL the UN what role they will play in post war Iraq. The UN is at our mercy, as is the rest of the world. So shut your stupid pie holes UN, we will tell you when and if you can come to Iraq. Got a problem with that? Please see the 60 foot crater, and shut your big yapper!

JPC

2003-04-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

IRAQ ONLY PART OF BIG PICTURE IN MIDDLE EAST

Once Saddam is removed from power and Iraq is put through the terrorist ringer, like Afghanistan, The United States will focus on an even older foe. IRAN, youre next. We havent forgotten the Iran hostage crisis of the late 70s/early 80s and what you did to our embassy. UPI reports US intelligence sources saying Iran helping out Saddam by sending para military forces to infiltrate cities in Iraq. This just goes to show how much the United States is HATED in the middle east. Iran and Iraq are bitter enemies, yet Iran sends help to Iraq to fight the US. Well, Iran, you may be a little stronger militarily than Iraq, but the bottom line is that you dont have shit on the United States. At a time of our choosing, we will deal with you. With Iraq on one side and Afghanistan on the other, you will soon be surrounded by US military forces. The time of your reckoning is coming Iran, so dont feel left out when you see Iraq's government forceably removed by the USA, because youre govt is next.

The war in Iraq is only the beginning in a process to remove theological or religious leadership that poisons the minds of arab people against the United States. When we are done, many years from now, the middle east will be transformed by the United States into a region of democracy and hopefully peace. We will do what we have to do to protect our country from any further 9/11 type or worse attacks. Whatever it takes. This region harbors a shitload of people who hate us, just because were American. I think it will take Operation Iraqi Freedom, Operation Iran Domination, Operation Syrian Pummeling, Operation North Korea Ass Kicking and Operation Whoever Else Wants To Fuck With Us Is Gonna Get Their Asses Handed To Them On A Plate.

Thats what happens when you decide to pick on the most powerful country in the history of the world, THE USA !!!!

Thank You Troops !!

JPC

2003-04-03T12:58:00.000-08:00

Looks like its on in Baghdad. According to reports from an embedded reporter from ABC News, coalition forces have seized control of Saddam International Airport. Anybody think they might change the name of that airport pretty soon? How about Rumsfeld International Airport? Think that'll fly with the Iraqis? Probably not. I'd like to see helmet cams on special operations forces as they storm in on military targets. THAT would be some good TV. Reports say special ops have invaded two of the presidential palaces. Hopefully they leave at least one intact for the new American Embassy. In your face Saddam!

I watched a news conference in which the Iraqi Minister of Information Sheik Abdul Raghead was babbling on about how the Americans were lying, that we were "trapped" in Umm Qasr, Naseriah, and everywhere else. That coalition forces were nowhere near Baghdad. Is this guy on crack or what? I hope the Iraqis rise up, get all these fuckin loser officials under and including Saddam and string them up in the streets, like the Italians did with Mussolini. Fuck trials for these guys. GET A ROPE!!! Bring out the old west justice on these murderers. Jimmy volunteers to play the part of the guy in the black hood that kicks the bucket out from under them. Do you have any last words Saddam? Then, when he's about to say something, I kick out the bucket! FUCK YOU, AMERICA RULES YOUR PUNK ASS!! The last words he would ever hear, courtesy of Jimmy.

JPC

2003-04-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

This just in to the Jimmy News Service.....

Saddam Hussein, supposedly to deliver a message to the Iraqi people today, had his lover....errrrr....Information Minister deliver his speech instead. Sources from Los Angeles tell Jimmy that Hussein has been in contact with the pornography underworld in an attempt to fulfull his lifelong dream of making gay porn. Sources say Hussein is in negotiation to do his dream movie, called a gay gang bang. Hussein will reportedly shave his mustache and head and will be known as "So-Damn Gay". Early reports have Al Gore, Dustin Hoffman, Martin Sheen and Robin Williams listed as fluffers. Hussein said privately he hopes Hoffman will be in full "Tootsie" gear for the shoot, as he has had a major crush on Tootsie since the movie came out. He also hopes Martin Sheen will act as President as in his tv show "West Wing" as Hussein has always secretly wanted to blow the President of the United States. Sources say Sheen is "chomping at the bit" for this role.

JPC

2003-04-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Al Gore comes to the defense of Dixie Chicks. What a surprise. He probably wants to BE a Dixie Chic. After all, he is a woman and he invented country music.

“They were made to feel un-American and risked economic retaliation because of what was said. Our democracy has taken a hit," Gore said. "Our best protection is free and open debate."

How is saying that you are ashamed that the President of the United States is from the state of Texas a debate? How has democracy taken a hit? Democracy is the consumer choosing not to buy these bitches CD’s anymore. Isnt that a democratic statement? This further cements Gore into Bitch-hood lore as the whimpering crybaby he made himself out to be after the 2000 election loss. Do us all a favor Gore and put yourself in one of your “lock boxes” so we don’t have to hear your whining anymore. I thank God everyday that youre not President.

North Korea fired another anti ship missile into the Sea of Japan, further proving that they can overpower large patches of open water.

Jimmy sends out condolences and sympathy to the friends and families of coalition troops that have given their lives for our freedom. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten.

JPC

2003-03-31T13:06:00.000-08:00

Jimmy has been on respite for the past couple days. Lots of war coverage, in which I am growing tired of all the endless speculation and analyzation. Basically, if its not live reports from the embedded reporters or footage of Baghdad being bombed, or actual NEWS, I dont want to see it. I turned to March Madness to provide Jimmy with a lift. 4 days of college hoops, in which Jimmys team (Longhorns) advanced to the final four! Jimmy ate about 7 pounds of boiled mudbugs yesterday, thats crawfish to you yankees, along with plenty of cold beers to wash them down. It was good to go out and enjoy the freedoms that we as Americans enjoy everyday, the freedoms that hundreds of thousands of troops are protecting with honor overseas. I wish I could buy them all a round of coldies and a few pounds of mudbugs, that'd be pretty pricey for Jimmy, but well worth it.

Here is a very special message from Jimmy to all you peace protestors out there:

FUCK OFF YOU COMMUNIST BITCHES!!!

LOL, Im so eloquent. Jimmy will be back with longer blogs in the days to come.

JPC

2003-03-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

Last night, Jimmy again ventured out to the Compaq Center to watch a nationally televised basketball game between the Lakers and Rockets. Upon arriving at the venue, I encountered something I had never seen in 25 years of going to Compaq Center, huge HUGE lines to get in. Whats up with this crap, my buddies and I said? If there are peaceniks blocking entry to the arena Jimmy is about to go postal. Well, that wasnt the case. The hold up was due to EVERYONE getting screened by metal detectors and searched, even children. Now, Jimmy didnt have a problem with that, better safe than sorry right? But this is one of the subtle impacts that terrorism is having on our lives. Living under a constant "terror alert", being screened going to the Rockets game, being advised to buy duct tape and plasic sheeting. These and other reasons are why we are at war right now. Maybe you peacenik appeasers out there are complacent to live in a country with terror alerts, but Jimmy isnt.

I have listened to arguments by the left / peacenik appeasers and most of you dont have a fucking clue what the hell youre talking about. I would bet big dollars that 50% of all protesters are nothing but sheep, like slack jawed boyfriends of their leftist girlfriends just along for the ride in a protest. How about all these idiots committing acts of civil disobedience? How fucking stupid do you think they are? Yeah, lets go block an entrance to a corporate building and get arrested, that will really make a difference! RETARDS! You know, cigarettes kill more people every day than the war we are currently involved in, why dont you go protest cigarettes? The answer is because you really dont care and dont know what it is your protesting, just as long as you and your friends can get out of your trailer park for a few hours and maybe get a good meal in jail. When the war is over and we have won, you idiots will move on to some other protest. I suggest you protest your own stupidity by going back to school and getting your high school diplomas.

CLICK HERE to sign the I Support the Commander in Chief Petition

Hey, Hollywood left, where are you now that the war is on? Havent heard much from you, not that I want to, but your ignorance always amuses Jimmy. How does it feel to know for a fact that all your propoganda had ZERO effect on our Presidents decision? You stupid dreamland dwelling idiots. Thank God our country has a leader with BALLS that will take the fight to the enemy and not wait for the enemy to attack us, again, like you would have him do. Fortunately for Jimmy I didnt care/like or watch programs featuring about 95% of the actors/actresses/entertainers that spoke out against war. Most of my favorite actors/ entertainers were backing the President. LOL, in your stinkin faces hollywood left bitches!!! Sit back and watch the war, the war where our soldiers are defending the very liberty that gives you the right to protest. Hopefully one day soon, you can protest without being under a terror alert. The only terror you will have to fear is Jimmy coming into your worthless protest and launching power elbows and knee lifts to your whimpering little faces.

JPC

2003-03-26T10:05:00.000-08:00

“I don't think we have any business being in a preemptive war against Iraq. When we watch the bombing on television, we really don't seem to understand or appreciate that some of these places are sacred. . . . I disagree with those who say that Saddam Hussein doesn't think about this. He cares about these places and their people. I don't think American lives are threatened by him. There is no evidence of weapons of mass destruction and we have no right to make a preemptive strike on another country and try to assassinate its leader. We have no right legally or morally. We are way out of line.” -- Wanda Baucus, wife of Senator Max Baucus (D) Montana.

Shut the hell up and make me a chicken pot pie bitch! Jimmy is amazed that people can think this way. Sacred piles of rubble is what its going to be. What do you mean theres no evidence of WMD’s? He has used them on his own people you moron. Before he gives those WMD’s to terrorists to use on us, were taking that murdering dictator out. We have the sovereign right to protect the national security of our country you dipshit. Theres your legal and moral right. You Wanda, are a complete idiot. Your own stupidity is blinding you from the truth that stares you in the face. Jimmy grants you the right to shut your stinkin’ piehole.

Peaceniks in New York are planning acts of civil disobedience as their sisters did in San Francisco. Do you idiots think you’re really making a difference? Your acts of stupidity further destroy the pedestal of peace on which you think you sit. Jimmy hopes you all enjoy your time in jail.

Jimmy lives in Houston. If I ever come across some peaceniks trying to block a something I need to access, Jimmy will have a huge smile on his face.

Now don’t get Jimmy wrong. Jimmy is for peace too. Just as soon as we bomb Iraq back to the stone age, kill all Iraqi forces and blow Saddam Hussein into little bits, Iraq will be a bastion of peace. Then, we can go make peace in Iran and North Korea, with MOAB’s.

That’s what Jimmy would like to see in Iraq. Saturate the outskirts of Baghdad with MOAB’s. Maybe like a cluster bomb, except instead of the little bombs being sprayed out, it sprays out MOAB’s. Maybe like a Saturn V type rocket, laced with MOAB’s. That would be a sight of pure destruction. Hey Lockheed, why don’t yall get to work on that idea, now.

JPC

2003-03-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

Tuesday 2:45pm CST

Foxnews channel reporting that coalition forces have taken control of a hospital, clearly marked with white flag. Inside the hospital were approximately 170 paramilitary Iraqi troops, some dressed as civilians, some half dressed as soldiers. Also in the hospital were hundreds of small arms, ammunitions, a tank, and over 3000 chemical weapons suits hidden inside the hospital. Foxnews also reporting that civilians in Basrah supporting coalition forces are being fired upon by Iraqi forces. Iraqi regime is using civilian buildings, even hospitals to hide out and attempt to ambush coalition forces. We were fooled once by this tactic, and as seen in this situation where we stormed a hospital, it wont happen again. The chemical weapons suits support the theory that chemical weapons will be used on coalition forces at some point. I would presume that it will happen as we approach Baghdad or perhaps inside Baghdad. Hussein has demonstrated he has no regard for the lives of his people, theres no telling what is waiting for our forces inside Baghdad. I would also say that our troops are most likely prepared for whatever Saddam has for us.

Some Iraqi forces are wearing U.S. soldier uniforms and accepting surrenderers then shooting them.

It is obvious that the Iraqi regime is not allowing its civilians to escape or flee embattled cities, which would explain the absence of refugees at borders that were expecting floods of them. Saddam Hussein, or as our troops are calling him, "So-Damn Insane", is using his people as human shields. This comes as no surprise to us. The faster we remove him the better. I would like to see one of our troops personally put a couple bullets right in Saddams dome, but that may be too humane a killing for this murderer. Public stoning might be good. Strap him to a wall spread eagle with protection around his head so he cant be knocked out and let the public hurl stones at him, with the occasional brick thrown in. Yeah, that'll work for Jimmy. Maybe even let people shoot him with low powered pellet guns, wrist rockets with those metal balls would work too. I could go on and on.

Attention war protestors!! The war is going on whether you protest or not. There are fellow americans DIEING to protect your rights as I write, and you choose to protest? Fucking ungrateful idiots. Put down your signs and support our troops, and take a bath or shower. Any american protesting the war right now I consider a brainless unamerican asshole that needs to be repeatedly punched in the face by me until they come to their senses.

JPC

2003-03-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

Jimmy has been laying low for a while, glued to the television watching the war unfold. My own American arrogance led me to believe or hope that we would not lose any or many troops in the war, but that arrogance was cut down when I saw the pictures from Al-Jazeera television of dead american soldiers, and a smiling Iraqi standing over them. I had never been more enraged and felt more helpless then I was at that moment. My sympathy goes out to the families of the soldiers who lost their lives as heroes. The Iraqis will pay for this, we may not see it on tv, but they will pay.

The most disturbing news this weekend was the american soldier in the 101 in Kuwait that tossed several grenades in tents while soldiers slept. Does that mean that terrorist cells are now infiltrating our own Military? Scary notion. Or could he just have been a disgruntled muslim who changed his mind? I tend to believe the first scenario. This guy should be tried by military tribunal then executed. Im surprised he wasnt killed on site when found. At the time we learned about it on television, I was sitting with a friend of mine that was in the Gulf War, a Marine. He was also suprised that the soldier wasnt killed on site.

Also disturbing was the report that a Russian company was helping Iraq deploy GPS jamming equipment. What the fuck Russia? Did the Russian government know about this, and if so, does that constitute an act of war against us? This is an alarming situation, very alarming.

Our forces are now encoutering heavy resistance as they approach Baghdad, as we expected. More american and coalition lives may be lost as we take that city, but I remain confident that the outcome will be one of victory for the coalition, I just hope the casuality list does not grow. My full support goes out to all our troops, roll on soldiers, most of us back home are behind you 100%.

JPC

2003-03-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

SHOCK AND AWE

Those words have come to reality today. SHOCK, As I sit in my office conducting business as usual, I sit and watch precision missile attacks take out targets in Baghdad. Huge explosions one after the other. Reports saying that Saddam was hurt in first attack and that his eldest son was killed, AWE, that’s too bad.

Last night I found it hard to turn off the TV as foxnews had a reporter live from the front line, rolling through the Iraqi desert and broadcasting live footage. It was truly amazing television.

Unfortunately, coalition forces have suffered losses since the campaign started, 12 troops in a helicopter crash and two in combat. These soldiers gave their lives for our freedom and for that we will always be thankful to them for their supreme sacrifice. Condolences and sympathy go out to their family and friends.

France has said it will not kick out Iraqi diplomats from its country as the U.S. has requested of all countries. France is also saying that it will use its veto power to stop the U.S. from controlling Iraq post war. LOL. Haven’t you learned frenchy, that your veto power means nothing to us? You are quickly turning from an ally to an enemy. You don’t want us as an enemy you stupid fucks.

2003-03-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

WAR
The United States is at war. Not much else to say. Been glued to the tv switching between the separate news channels, mostly foxnews. Jimmy sends out the best of luck to all our military forces and hope that U.S. and coalition forces suffer zero losses.

Oh, by the way, FUCK YOU FRANCE. Did you really believe that your bitch ass little country could deter American resolve? You and your pansy ways are being bitch slapped on worldwide television as the full might and fury of the United States Military begins the Baghdad Urban Renewal Project. You have pull in the UN Security Council, but as you can now see, the UN Security Council, has NO pull on the United States. We own the UN and we own you.

Lets see who else is spouting at the pie hole:

Mikhail Gorbachev: says war cannot be justified. Have you removed that tomato stain from your head yet Micki? Why dont you and Jimmy Carter go blow each other. Jimmy and the U.S. say: FUCK YOU.
Govt of India: says war unjust. Jimmy and the U.S. say: FUCK YOU.
China: is demanding a halt to the attack on Iraq. Jimmy demands you shut your stinkin pieholes and deal with your neighbor to the south (N. Korea) instead of being pussies and wanting the U.S. to deal with it.
Mexico: Mexico?? Who really cares what they think? President Fox came out against the military action. So what? What are you going to do about it Mexico? You cant do a friggin thing. So do everyone a favor and keep your irrelevant opinions to yourself. Mexico........LOL.

Jimmy must now go watch more war coverage on foxnews, waiting to see the shock and awe display.

JPC

2003-03-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

BURP!

Iraq and its capital are about to be BURPed. Our troops have nicknamed the impending war in Iraq BURP, short for Baghdad Urban Renovation Project. You gotta love it. Jimmy sends out massive props to our armed forces. Do ya think Home Depot has the same tools our troops will be using to "renovate" Baghdad? Im calling Home Depot right now, gonna get me a couple MOAB's.

Senate Minority leader Tom Daschle recently jammed his foot in his mouth clear up past his ankle. If he continues jamming further, he will soon be nibbling on his own sphincter. Perhaps thats what he secretly desires? To suck his own butt? Jimmy thinks so. Daschles public comments criticising the President are reprehensible. I contacted Daschle to question him and to inform the senator that i think he is a sniveling whiny little bitch that needs to be backhanded. Mr Daschle, I said, Iraq has been on probation, so to speak, for 12 years now. They have repeatedly violated that probation and have subsequently gave the world their middle finger. So I ask you Mr Daschle, when 12 years of probation fails and continues to fail despite Americas best efforts, what would YOU do?
Listen to Daschles response. Daschle then went on some kind of whimpering school girl tantrum which ended in a disturbing question to which I Replied

PARIS — The French military could help the United States if Iraq uses biological or chemical weapons against U.S.-led invaders, the French Foreign Ministry said Tuesday.

LOL... Frenchy, dont even try to weasel out of this supreme backstab job you pulled on us. Fuckin Pussies!!!!

JPC

2003-03-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

Whats that smell? Smells like shit that’s flying through the air, and its about to hit the fan.

You knew it was coming, especially after the emergency Summit between Bush, Blair and Aznar in the middle of nowhere. Diplomacy is over, FINALLY! Tonight President Bush will issue an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein to leave the country or face war. The speech will also be telling the UN to suck American cock! FUCKIN SWEET! What do you liberals think about that? I got news for ya, who the hell cares what you have to say!! Were going in to ROLL through Saddams oil patch, no matter how much you protest, cry or get run over by bulldozers. FUCKIN PANSIES!!

I still say we boot the UN and form a new League of Nations, nations that actually have some pull in the world. All these 3rd world countries can take a hike, especially the fuckin bitch ass French pussies. France, you have SERIOUSLY fucked up. Your blatant anti American agenda is going to come back to haunt you, the sooner the better. New League of Nations members should be U.S., U.K., Russia & China. That’s it. Everybody else isn’t worthy of having a voice in world issues. Just listen to us, we will tell you what to do, punks. Now, you may be saying Jimmy, why Russia and China, they were against war and our new resolution in the UN? Well, because these countries have nukes, plain and simple. But at least these countries didn’t come out saying they would veto any new resolution, they may have voted no, but didn’t threat the blanket veto like the pussy ass surrender monkey French.

Now that were going in without pansy UN approval, Jimmy says TAKE ALL THE OIL, and charge the hell out of any country wanting that oil that was not in our coalition. All the money we are spending on this war can be made up and then some with Iraqi, errrr I mean now U.S. oil.

Iraq, Uncle Sam is coming, get out your white flags or be MOAB’d.

Iran, youre next.

JPC

2003-03-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

God - FIsh ? Apparently a 20lb carp started shouting before it was about to be killed.
"According to two fish-cutters at the New Square Fish Market, the carp was about to be slaughtered and made into gefilte fish for Sabbath dinner when it suddenly began shouting apocalyptic warnings in Hebrew." Really? Shut the hell up and lay off the heroin people. Heres the whole ridiculous story.

Super -Flu? GENEVA (Reuters) - "The World Health Organization warned on Saturday of a worldwide health threat as a mystery killer pneumonia spread from east Asia to other parts of the globe." This news is troublesome. Anyone ever seen Stephen King's "The Stand"? Its being called SARS for severe acute respiratory syndrome.

WAR IN A WEEK? Saddam Hussein divided Iraq into 4 military zones and appointed a leader for each zone, with Hussein staying in control of surface to surface missiles and the air force. Obvious war preparations. Fortunately, it aint gonna help you camel jockey fuck, your troops wont be able to surrender to a tomahawk or MOAB. Although Jimmy would like to see them try. According to the Drudge Report "QUIT BAGHDAD OR WAR IN A WEEK, BUSH TELLS SADDAM: Britain and America are to issue a stark ultimatum to Saddam Hussein - get out of Iraq or face war within a week." Bush Blair and Aznar are meeting in the Azores tomorrow to discuss Iraq. And in a show of wussy solidarity, France Germany and Russia issued an anti war statement. You know what, you guys are a bunch of PUSSIES!!!

2003-03-14T16:24:00.000-08:00

So, the Dixie Chicks are "ashamed that the President is from the same state they are" (Texas). Well, Dixie whores, Im ashamed that you are from the same state I am (Texas). Why dont you take your lame ass fuckin music and go be human shields. Hopefully you will be hit by a MOAB. If i never hear one of your songs, i'll consider myself a very lucky Jimmy. Stupid ass bitches like you make Jimmy sick. Add these rug munchers to the list of people Jimmy would like to bitch slap.

The President is jetting off to the Azores to meet with Tony Blair and Jose Aznar. Together they will contemplate how and when they will tell the rest of the world to take their anti war / anti U.S. sentiments and shove them up their asses. As Sec State Colin Powell said so eloquently "The day of reckoning is coming." Heed the messenger, Saddam, ya fuckin loser.

JPC

2003-03-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

Jimmy was astounded when turning on the news yesterday and finally seeing some good news. Elizabeth Smart, kidnapped from her home last June in Utah, was found by police after a tip from private citizens. What an awesome story.

Looks like more talky talky. President Bush has said he is willing to delay a vote at the UN in the hopes of getting a consensus. AAAAAAARRGGGHHH !!! You all know how Jimmy feels about this. Stop the talking, start the bombing. Screw the UN. What are the opposition countries going to do to us if we start the war without UN approval? Nothing. They cant do shit to us. Jimmy is so tired of the talky. So very very tired.

Jimmy did, however, have a good night last night. First the great story of Elizabeth Smart being found, then Jimmy went to the Houston Rockets vs LA Clippers game in which the home team won in overtime! Sweet! Nothing like pounding back multiple cold ones while watching a ball game, then winning in OT.

JPC

2003-03-12T12:24:00.000-08:00

Talky, Talky, talky. No more talky. Jimmy is so tired of the talky he is going to fucking puke.

Here are some words or phrases that if Jimmy hears anymore, Jimmy is going to power vomit.

The U.N. ... evacuate the americans, british and our other real friends and drop a MOAB on that whole worthless complex. Either that or expell everyone in the UN from our country and turn the UN complex into a giant night club called "FUCK THE U.N." Jimmy will fly there just to party.
Weapons of Mass Destruction ... if someone has these that we dont want to, nuke the fuckwads, make'm glow.
Weapons Inspectors ... the time for inspections are over, bomb the fuck out of Iraq to where no weapons remain.
Liberating the Iraqi People ... fuck the Iraqi people. Im concerned about the American people. If they happen to be liberated due to our invasion, good for them, but Jimmy could really give a shit less.
Hans Blix ... what the fuck kind of name is "Blix" anyway? This guy has developed a clear anti U.S. agenda. Strap this euro homo to a MOAB bound for Iraq. Then our soldiers can do some inspections on how many pieces of him they can find.

The following is a personal message from Jimmy to President Bush:

Mr. President,

Jimmy, along with a majority of U.S. citizens, are tired of waiting. Tired of the U.N. Tired of the French actively lobbying against us. Were just plain tired sir. Please, for the sake of our country, our national security and our credibility in the world, tell the United Nations to shove their anti U.S. sentiments up their little bitch asses. Like you said in your speech last week, we do not need anyones approval to act. Were those just words Mr. President? Or do you plan on backing them up? I hope you back them up. Us Texans are known for backing up what we say and I hope you keep the flame burning in that respect. Jimmy is behind you, and so are millions of Americans and freedom loving people accross the world. Stop placating to the U.N. and start the invasion of Iraq.

Respectfully,

Jimmy Pink Cheeks

PS -- In short, FUCK ANYONE WHO STANDS IN OUR WAY!!

2003-03-11T23:33:00.000-08:00

"The tyrants of the evil American administration ... will meet their black fate at the high gates of Baghdad, where the courageous people of Iraq will teach them a lesson," the government daily Al-Jumhuriya said in an editorial Tuesday.

LOL, is that right? How about we just push a button / turn a key over here and make your city glow? Now that will in all probability will not happen, but Jimmy is growing increasing fatigued from this waiting around crap. Jimmy wants to see bombs like the MOAB dropping on Iraq. What is this black fate at the gates of baghdad crap? There will be no gates, just remnants saturated with surrendering Iraqi forces. The only lesson the Iraqis will teach to America is how incredibly futile the Iraqi military really is. And fuck this republican guard crap, they suck donkey dicks. Jimmy will be suprised if 10% of Iraqi forces actually fight.

The U.N. Is anyone else uttlerly ridiculously tired of dealling with these fuckin retards? FUCK THE U.N. Who really gives a flyin fuck about what Guinea, Angola, Mexico,Cameroon......Camer-who? Guinea?????? Angola? Jimmy could freakin care less if these third world countries are behind us, what are they gonna do for us? Answer, not a friggin thing. The only countries that should be on the coucil is the U.S., Russia, China........thats it. All those other countries are nothing but a bunch of weak ass bitches, FUCK THEM TOO. FUCK RUSSIA. FUCK FRANCE. FUCK CHINA. FUCK THE U.N. PLEASE stop negotiating with the impotent UN and get on with the invasion of Iraq. Once were done there, Iran is next, as I already see the framework for an Iran showdown being laid down by the media.

JPC must get sleep now.

France can shove their bitch ass little pussy country right up their own asses. FUCK YOU FRANCE, you and your people are going to pay for screwing us over, make no mistake that the reckoning for you actions against us is coming.

2003-03-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

Anti war protesters are saying they are prepared to commit acts of civil disobedience in the event war starts in Iraq. Including blocking doorways to office buildings, stopping traffic and other acts of ignorance. If these people stand in a busy street, step on the gas. I personally hope that some will block a doorway that Jimmy needs to access. Jimmy will then do his best Fullback impression, lower his head and shoulders and run right through the middle of these idiots. Maybe I'll get through, maybe I wont, but I guarantee that Jimmys 6' 3" 255lb frame WILL do some damage.

Looks like the vote in the UN will not go down today, possibly Wednesday or Thursday. Fuck the UN. The USA IS the UN. We initiated its formation, We are the host country for the entity, and WE will tell them to cram their defiance straight up there little bitch asses when we start the invasion of Iraq.

The U.S. Air Force will be testing the M.O.A.B. today in Florida at Eglin air base. The MOAB is short for Massive Ordinance Air Burst, or as some are calling it, The Mother of All Bombs. A 21,000 pound conventional bomb. Hopefully we will see this dropped in Iraq and send one to Pyongyang too. When you fuck with the Father of all Countries, you get the Mother of all Bombs.

JPC

2003-03-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

When asked about the many references online to Germany Russia and France being the Axis of Bitches, the 3 leaders of the countries had this TO SAY. Jimmy is tired of the UN, Jimmy is tired of these so called allys, can we stomp out this Roach in Iraq soon, the sooner the better.

Jimmy is BOYCOTTING EVERYTHING FRENCH, and Jimmy hopes the rest of you join the boycott. Jimmy need sleep now.

JPC

2003-03-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

The Axis of Bitches (Germany, Russia, France)

Russia Sucks, Germany Blows and France Swallows. That about sums up Jimmys feelings.

Below is reader email :
"Jimmy youre site in uninformative and is not funny, despite your attempts at comedy. Your continued thrashing of liberals and dissenting countries is reprehensible. You use foul language and Im sure many are offended, as I am, by some of your words. I have told my friends about your site so you will be receiving more emails from people who do not appreciate your rants. I wish I could meet you on the street and see if you are as tough as your words, I would bet that your a little coward that hides behind the internet, like most conservatives." -- J.T. California

JT, you ignorant slut. If you dont like the site, dont read it ya fuckin moron. Everybody knows that the Jimmy is funny. Informative? You want info JT? Go watch the friggin news ya tree huggin pacifist. Bring on the emails from you and your hair lipped limp wristed buddies. I bet your the pivot man on the circle jerk, huh JT ? You know, Jimmy could get his point across without using foul language....but fuck that, and fuck you! LOL, you liberals are so easy to piss off, I love it. So you wanna meet Jimmy JT? Anytime, Anywhere you punk. Jimmy will mop the floor with your punk ass, then I'll make you wash my truck. I bet

Jimmy does get some favorable emails from you peeps out there, and Jimmy thanks you. Jimmy will continue to provide off the wall commentary on world events as Jimmy sees fit. Until then, try to do something productive.

JPC

2003-03-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

French Foreign Minister Dominique De-Surrender Geek was meeting with security council countries this weekend to try and garner NO votes for the resolution presented by the U.S. , GB and Spain. How exactly do you lobby for weakness? Well, if anyone knows how its the freakin wussy French. Instead of coming in and shaking hands he stands in the doorway and waves a white hanky. "Please" says the French Minister "join us in Bitch-hood. We are striving to be complete and uttter pussies and also stab the americans who liberated our country right in the back." What the hell Frenchy? You people make Jimmy sick.

Hey, North Korea, who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who you are messing with? Launching missiles impotently into the sea doesnt impress Jimmy, or the US for that matter. Its like a mouse waving a stick at a Rhino. Amusing, North Korea, very amusing. The liberals are all over this one, criticizing the administration for ignoring North Koreas demands that we go into one on one talks with them. Dont you idiots see that if we give in and talk one on one we will be setting a precedent for any other country in the future that they can basically blackmail us into talking with them just because they have some nuclear capability? Stupid ass liberals, yall always have something to cry about dont you?

More reports surfacing now about weapons that were found by inspectors in Iraq. Weapons that were conveniently not talked about by Hans Blix in his oral report to the UN security council, the information was buried in a 173 page report. Whats up with that Blix, ya fuckin euro trash loser? A drone plane and cluster bombs that were designed to deliver chemical and or biological weapons were found by inspectors. Nice omission Blix, dont you think the security council and the rest of the UN should have HEARD about these weapons?

Tomorrow is the big day at the UN. We will see who is with us and who is against us. Does France really have the balls to veto our resolution? Jimmy says no. Why would their foreign minister be trying to secure "no" votes if they were already resigned to vetoing? Tomorrow will be your chance to pull your ass outta the fire Frenchy by voting yes on the new resolution. Vote no, veto, Jimmy could really care less. Were going into Iraq anyway ya spineless bastards.

JPC

2003-03-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

Seems Jimmy has been getting some hate mail from you leftist weakasses out there. You wanna come talk to Jimmy? Maybe come by Jimmys house and get in Jimmys face? Heres my answer to you little crybabies about what happens to strangers when they interrupt Jimmy at his house. Jimmy says

Jimmy was able to get in a question to Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (terrorist Ron Jeremy). Heres the what Jimmy was able to get in before they toted him away to solitary. " Hey, sheik fuckhead, what was the first thing you noticed after you got busted?" Mohammed Says

LOL, damn Im fuckin hilarious. You peoples loves the Jimmy, dont ya?

JPC

2003-03-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

Jimmy is feeling like crapola today so Im gonna keep todays blog short, like you liberals peckers. Jimmy watched the UN Security Council meeting today, where once again Blix tap danced around the prevailing question that our President asked of him last night. Basically Blix said he has partial cooperation and needs more time...blah blah blah, shut the fuck up you Euro fuckwad. Add that assclown to the list of people Jimmy would like to blast right in the face.

Jimmy is also pressed for time today as I will be excersizing my right to assembly when I attend the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo tonight, the featured act being LL Cool J. Jimmys got free tickets in the club section in the beautiful new Reliant Stadium. Jimmy plans on getting nice and liquored up....whats that liberals? Whats liquor you say? Please refer to one of your leaders, Ted Kennedy, he will show you. Jimmy warns you to stay away from the compound.

Below, Jimmy has recorded two messages for you scared bitch ass little liberals out there. Click to play.

Message # 1 Message # 2

Friday night, goin to the show, Jimmy needs a few coldies to go.

Wow, talk about a surprise phone call, I just got a call from Janeane Garafalo, seems she wanted to talk to Jimmy, heres an excerpt from our conversation. Click to play.

Jimmy said / Janeane said

Jimmy cant play the rest of the conversation for ...ummm....well, just because. I told yall the ladies loves the Jimmy. Liberals need lovin too ya know, they know who to call. They calls the Jimmy, cuz cant no limp liberal please the ladies likes the Jimmy.

JPC

2003-03-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight I watched our President make the case for war against Iraq, not like he needs to do that for Jimmy. The Commander in Chief made many concrete points of FACT that are undeniable and sent a clear message to those who will oppose us. Jimmy has taken 3 Presidential quotes and addressed them each.

"In New York tomorrow, the United Nations Security Council will receive an update from the chief weapons inspector. The world needs him to answer a single question: Has the Iraqi regime fully and unconditionally disarmed, as required by Resolution 1441, or has it not? " -- President George W. Bush 3/6/03

Excellent question Mr. President. Why do I know already that your question will not be answered in the manner presented. It will be tap danced around by Hans Blix. Its an easy "yes or no" question. The answer, unless you are a fool, in complete denial or a supporter of Saddam Hussein, is NO, they have not disarmed. All they are making are token gestures of weapons destruction. If they were disarmed, we would know it, we wouldnt need inspectors there, we wouldnt need an EIGHTEENTH resolution at the UN. A simple yes or no question Mr. Blix, how about the answer? Before you answer I would ask that you take off your tapdancing shoes.

"The attacks of September the 11th, 2001 showed what the enemies of America did with four airplanes. We will not wait to see what terrorists or terrorist states could do with weapons of mass destruction. " -- President George W. Bush 3/6/03

Remember the utter shock, pain, anger and unimaginable, until that day, events of 9/11? Think now of that kind of loss of innocent human life 10, 20, 50 fold. Think of the destruction and chaos one weapon of mass destruction in the hands of a terrorist could do to our country. Are you anti war / leftists willing to sit idly by and let it happen? Shouldnt you be willing to do whatever you can to MAKE SURE that anything like that NEVER happens to our country again? Well, Saddam Hussein and his regime pose that threat to our country. He has WMD, he has harboured and trained terrorists, and he sure as hell hates our country enough to equip these terrorists with these WMD to unleash inside our country. He must be removed and disarmed. What is it that you people dont understand? Are you people happy to be living under a constant Terror Alert? Are you so stubborn in your beliefs that you are willing to sacrifice yourself, your family, your friends, your countrymens lives for it? Stand up. Stand up and support our Commander in Chief, our President, our Military, BECAUSE THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR YOU and the safety / security of our great nation.

"when it comes to our security, we really don't need anybody's permission. " -- President George W. Bush

Jimmys translation: Hey France, Germany, Russia...take your threats of dissending votes and vetoes and shove'm straight up your candy asses. We will do what we need to do to defend our country with or without your help. In short, FUCK OFF YOU PANSIES!

Mr. President, you have Jimmys full support as does every member of our Military. Thank you for acting to protect our country from those who wish to murder our citizens and destroy our society. To those of you who bash our President calling him a "warmonger", keep spouting off imbeciles, the more crap that spews out of your stinking pieholes the more you confirm your own stubborn stupidity.

JPC

2003-03-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

THE FOLLOWING IS GUEST COMMENTARY FROM FELLOW WAR BLOGGER: COLLATERAL DAMAGE

Monitoring the American media, one may come to the conclusion that the world
is lining up against us. This is not actually the case, but our media like
reporting on the detractors. Be that as it may, I would like to address the
following comments to France, Germany, Russia and any other nations who seek
to oppose us - nations whose opposition is not based on strong convictions,
but on the fact that when we win, again, they will all become even more
irrelevant than they are now.

France, Germany, Russia, etc:

You all have the USA to thank for your very existence. Not only did we
liberate France and topple an evil dictator in Germany, but we kept the USSR
from taking over your countries as well. We are not and were not
imperialists, despite the current anti-war crowd's assertions. America has
occupied the lands of many a defeated foe and then let them form their own
governments. If we were empire builders, France, Germany, Japan, Kuwait and
Southern Iraq (among many others) would now be territories of the USA.

Additionally, the whole world should be thankful that The United States
developed the atomic bomb first. We used it twice to end a war. If the
Germans, Japanese or Russians had developed it first - they would have used
it to conquer the world. Only the USA, in its ultimate benevolence, could
have and did show restraint and use this knowledge for peace - keeping the
USSR at bay and ultimately defeating them without firing a shot. The USA
could have destroyed the USSR, defeated China, ended communism, and
vanquished any other potential foes with ease at the end of WWII, but we
didn't. Vast stretches of Europe and Asia could now be under American
control, but that didn't happen. And now, after losing thousands of our
citizens to an enemy that is sworn to destroy us, we wish to destroy another
evil dictator who will arm our sworn enemies. We want to liberate another
nation of people. And you oppose us.

You should all be on your knees offering thanks and pledging support. The
real reason for your opposition becomes apparent after considering your lack
of gratitude and your vacant anti-war arguments - ENVY. We are a happy,
prosperous and powerful nation and you ingrates don't like it and wish to
see us taken down a notch. The price for your defiance will be severe - the
United States will emerge from this conflict even more powerful, more
influential and even less likely to heed your pathetic attempts to influence
world affairs in the future.

Collateral Damage

And Jimmy will be their to laugh in all of your collective faces!!

JPC thanks Collateral Damage for his comments!

Give WAR a chance!!

JPC

2003-03-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Jimmy is continually amazed at the collosal stupidity shown by anti war activists. The reasons for war are so blatantly obvious Jimmy cant understand why so many protest war and bash the Bush administration. "Inspections work, war doesnt" is the slogan made by moveon.org. Inspections work huh? The fact that you people really believe that displays how out of touch with reality you are. The inspectors only inspect what Iraq is willing to divulge. The inspectors are not on a scavenger hunt across the country to find weapons, they only inspect what is presented to them by Iraq. Do you morons understand that fact? Obviously not, you are so blinded by your own stupidity that you refuse to acknowledge the obvious. Which is that Saddam Hussein has continually defied SEVENTEEN different U.N. resolutions, the most recent being the now well known 1441 which called for IMMEDIATE AND FULL COMPLIANCE TO DISARM, and if they didnt it called for serious consequences. I dont know about you liberal anti-war fuckheads, but Jimmy doesnt consider yet another resolution by a growingly impotent United Nations a serious consequence. A serious consequence is a few thousand smart bombs crammed into Saddams ass followed by invasion and subsequent liberation of the oppressed Iraqi people.

Jimmy has a new name for all you anti war activists liberals out there, I am now calling you the "Ostrich Party", because all of you are burying your heads in the ground and hiding / pretending nothing is wrong. Fact is that our country is in the most dangerous period we have ever faced. Rogue nations with WMD cannot be allowed to exist. They CLEARLY threaten the national security of our country. To deny that is moronic. What would it take for you people to wake up? One of our cities in ashes? Tens of thousands of innocent civilians killed from a biological disease? Hopefully that will never happen. As long as ruthless dictators are allowed to rule and develop these weapons with the real possiblity of giving them to terrorist organizations, the threat is real and imminent if we stand by and do nothing, like you idiot anti war Ostrich Party weak kneed bastards would want us to do.

Worry not Ostrich Party, there are many of us who support President Bush and his administration and their stance that is they WILL NOT let the staus quo in Iraq to continue. We have a president that is a real man, a leader, unafraid and undeterred by your Ostrich Party tactics. Our President will stand up for you and ensure the safety of your family and the security of our country, even if you wont.

What Jimmy finds amusing is that despite all of your protests and whining like little crybabies, were still going to war. All your websites, petitions and protests amount to exactly jack shit. Theres nothing you can do about it, Ostrich Party bitches. Just sit back and watch as Iraq falls in to U.S control. History will prove that President Bush is right and that you, the Ostrich Party, are nothing but a bunch of blind idiots. Jimmy personally laughs in all of your whimpering faces.

2003-03-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

Every time I look up it seems I am confronted with the photo of Khalid Mohammed, or is that Ron Jeremy? Almost looks like Joey Butafuco huh? Seems he led his life more like the two others mentioned than the "devout muslim" that he might claim to be. A noted womanizer and frequenter of 4 star hotels, this guy is literally a big fat hypocrite, along with being a mass murderer. This pig was educated right here in the USA. That sickens Jimmy. Jimmy would like to give this brillo backed bitch a pile driver. Although getting that close to this guy might require a nose clamp, I mean look at the guy, you know that fat pig wreaks like a bulls ass.

About the crazy videos on this site, many of you are asking "is that really Jimmy?" No, its not JPC, but its freakin hilarious anyway. Jimmy is an admirer of ridiculous comedy, and this guys short video skits definately qualify. The way the world is today, JPC believes it needs some ridiculous / lighthearted comedy more than ever, Im just doing my part in providing some crazy comedy to you.

And whats all this uproar about the Pledge of Allegiance? Just because of the phrase "one nation under god"? Give Jimmy a break. You people protesting this seriously have no freakin lives do you? Are you going to protest our currency next? You know that on every single bill is the phrase "In God We Trust"? I think you should boycott all currency and send it to Jimmy. Seriously, you idiots need to find something to do with yourselves. Why dont you do us all a favor and go be human shields in Iraq, you stupid fucks. Add these people to the list of morons that Jimmy would like to punch in the face. Not that punching any of these idiots in the face would knock them back in to reality, but it would make Jimmy very happy, and Im sure a lot of you would love to see it done.

JPC

2003-03-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

Hey people.. what the hell kind of shirt is Khalid wearing in that now infamous photo? Why is the neck hole so damn big? Probably so he can get the shirt on over the giant towel on his head. Either that or he used to be a big pumpkin headed bastard. Khalid is now in a undisclosed overseas location, hopefully otherwise known as a torture chamber. Hopefully he is getting his face punched repeatedly, along with other things. What a MAJOR bust this is. Pretty much a slap in the face to all the fucking leftist morons that said we cant fight Iraq and find Al-Qaeda at the same time. Yeah, a big slap in your face you liberal punks. So why dont all of you whiners out there shut your freakin pie holes. We are winning the war on terror, and the arrest of Mohammed and seizure of all the information Mohammed was holding is proof. So FUCK YOU to all you nay-sayers out there, Jimmy laughs in your demoralized faces.

After we go in to Iraq, pummel Saddam and liberate the people of Iraq all in about a day or two, you liberal shit for brains will have more pie in your faces. Jimmy will just have to make sure that its bad pie, because Jimmy loves pie, and to waste a good pie is unamerican, especially on a stupid ass liberal peacenik.

Ok, all you ladies that wants and needs the Jimmy, heres Jimmy at his pimpin best, check it out, this also applies to all you liberal whiners out there, because you are the corps of Jimmies bitches, watch it now!!

Windows Media / Quicktime

Pimpin' Aint Easy

JPC

2003-03-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

In Your Face TURKEY !! Because of your decision to reject the U.S. Troops and $30 Billion in U.S. aid/grants, your economy is crashing today, and it will continue to plummet until you wise up and give us what we want. You will learn not to fuck with the most powerful country in the history of the world, as will anybody else who defies our supremacy. Jimmy says Turkish Parliament will vote again and allow the troops on to Turkish soil, unless they are as stupid as they look.

As far as Khalid Shiek Mohammed, Jimmy hopes we torture the hell out of this terrorist fuckwad until he gives every ounce of information we want. Jimmy would like to be there as witness or as the designated person to laugh in his face as he screams and cries like a little girl. Welcome to the United States you camel jockey fuck! Youre about to enter a world of pain.

2003-03-02T17:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, Jimmy is a little pissed. Jimmy is pissed on one hand at the Turkish Parliament for not granting access to U.S. Troops to Turkish military bases. After the U.S. stands up to NATO and tells Turkey that we got their backs even if NATO doesnt, they deny base access. FUCK YOU TURKEY!!!! Jimmy is cutting turkey from his diet. Although that does mean we keep our $26 Billion that was going to go to Turkey as their extortion payment.

Jimmy is also mad because the Rockets lost the game I attended today. All was not lost to Jimmy however, as their were many Spur fans around Jimmy. Although the Spurs won todays game and the spur fans were boisterous, Jimmy was quick to point out the 2 Championship Banners hanging in the rafters at Compaq Center and how the Rockets own the spurs in the playoffs. Theyre arguments were weak and rest assured Jimmy verbally pummeled them, just like I verbally pummel you tree hugging peaceniks out there. You people make Jimmy sick, anti american fucks. Why dont you go live in Europe where you belong. Youll fit right in, they dont wear deodorant there either.

You can write to Jimmy Pink Cheeks at jimmypinkcheeks@hotmail.com

I guarantee that I may respond to some of your emails if they are worthy of Jimmys time, if you have a complaint to direct to Jimmy let me first tell you to KISS MY ASS!!!! To all of you who enjoy reading Jimmys thoughts, your good with Jimmy.

JPC

2003-03-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

"Jimmy Pink Cheeks I wants you to be my man."
- D.S. in Atlanta

"Jimmy you fine."
- S.R. in San Diego

"Jimmy next to you my man is a bitch ass bitch. I need a real man. Jimmy Pink Cheeks be my man."
- A.T. in Dallas

"Jimmy Pink Cheeks show me that fine ass body."
- H.C. in New York

Damn! Thats all Jimmy Pink Cheeks can say right now, Daaaaaaamn!

This blog is only two days old and already all you bitches loves the Jimmy, wants the Jimmy, hell needs the Jimmy. Jimmy Pink Cheeks is all about pleasing the bitches you know. Thats why I made you hos a video.

Check it: Windows Media | Quicktime

2003-03-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

Jimmy misses football. Is there anything more American than an afternoon of Football? Right now I'd be happily watching 2 hours of pregame coverage waiting for the noon kickoff games and placing some bets. Thawing out and marinating some kinda meat, like a nice Texas Size T-Bone to grill on my bbq pit. I love America. But Jimmy has to settle for his second sports love today, basketball. Jimmy will be attending the Houston Rockets game today at Compaq Center vs. the San Antonio Spurs. Jimmy is a HUGE Rocket fan. I wonder if people in Iraq can go to sporting events? Probably not huh? No wonder they are so mad over there, they probably have no sports to watch except soccer.....jeeeez..how boring. I know I'd go crazy and want to lob missles at somebody just for the hell of it.

Ok, seriously now, when are we going to go fuck up, errrrrr I mean "disarm" ,this dicktasting, errrr I mean dictator, in Iraq. He has not complied with UN resolution 1441. Still no accounting of all the biological and chemical weapons. Its not like defeating this little bitch is going to take long, most of his soldiers will surrender anyway. Anytime now America...Jimmy is wating...Jimmy is tired of the talking, the negotiating, the UN, French Pussies, Russian Fuckheads and German idiots. Fuck all you procrastinating scared bastards!

2003-03-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all of my fellow americans, even you mr and mrs liberal morons. I was thinking of more people that JPC would like to punch in the face, and the list grew long, much too long to write about. As I arrived home from the Rally for America, I turned to Foxnews and caught the breaking story of the Sheik Abdul Salami Wirebeard. Yeah, I know that aint his real name, but who the fuck cares what this guys real name is? They all look alike and their names are alike. Theyre all a bunch of Abdul Wachnad Salami's to Jimmy.

I saw his picture and one word came to mind...guilty. I mean just look at the guy, fuckin towel headed wirey bearded pickle smoking faggot! He's getting shipped to the U.S. from Pakistan. I hope he gets life in prison instead of the death penalty, that way he can be some giant prison bohemoths bitch, on the other hand ol' Abdul Salami-Smoker may like that too much. Anyway, that guy is SO hating it right now. Hey Sheik Wachnad Salami, Jimmy Pink Cheeks laughs in your wirey bearded bitch ass face!

Back to people Jimmy would like to punch in the face.

Martin Sheen...what conservative american wouldnt want to punch this weak kneed limp wristed gay wad right in the face! Saw a funny sign at the rally today saying : "Martin Sheen: Youre not the President, you just play one on TV! Props to whoever had that sign from JPC!
The Turkish Parliament...what the fuck Turkey? Every time I turn on the TV its approved then dissaproved. Are you guys injecting too much of the heroin that you confescate? And why the hell would anyone name their country "Turkey"? I think a good firm backhanded bitch slap would be good for each parliament member. Jimmy would be happy to volunteer his backhand services.
Voluntary Human Shields... what in the fucking hell are you idiots thinking? Maybe Jimmy wont have to punch you in the face as it may be blown off because you are a MORON!
People That Go On Hunger Strikes... hunger strike? LOL, youve gotta be kidding Jimmy. These people are desperate for a good face punch. Sure, go ahead, dont eat ya friggin dumb ass! That just means more buffalo wings for Jimmy!!

Jimmy is now going to go and do the things that free americans do, that is, go to the neighborhood bar, toss down a few coldies, make fun of idiots and try to meet some "nice" females to make Jimmys cheeks bright pink! Yeah baby, come to Jimmy!

Well, that about wraps it up for Jimmys takes today folks. Oh, and if I offended anyone with my comments I couldnt be more happy with myself. Complain to somebody who cares.

2003-03-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

France, Germany, Russia, and the UN want me to believe that they are stupid. Believe that they are actually dumb enough to be encouraged by the destruction of 4 god damned missles. Believe that they are encouraged to hear that Saddam has only "misplaced" a biological bomb and he's sorry for the oversight. These European fucktards are lining up to suck off Sodom Hussein and they want me to believe that they're just naive dreamers holding our for peace in the world.

FUCK YOU ALL. Jimmy Pink Cheeks is not a moron. Sell your shit to someone else. Jimmy Pink Cheeks isn't buying. You assholes want to jeopardize the safety of Jimmy Pink Cheeks while you jerk each other off and whisper tales of your former glory into each others ears. Fuck you all I say. Fuck You All.

2003-02-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

People that Jimmy would like to Punch in the Face:

Bill Maher...this guy needs to be power elbowed and knee lifted back to reality. Maybe he'll be funnier after the concussion.
Jimmy Carter... an old man so maybe just a bitch slap along with a menacing look.
Jacque Chirac...requires a full on fist-blast right in his nose. Of course it would be hard to hit him due to him dropping to his knees instinctively at the first signs of aggression.
Dick Gebhardt...anyone that prefers the name "Dick" needs to be punched in the face.

Jimmy will be back later with more people that desperately need a face thrashing along with others that require more than just a quick pummeling.

2003-02-28T09:29:00.000-08:00

Jimmy is SO tired of these French pussies. Yeah thats right, PUSSIES! Thats what they are. The truth hurts doesnt it Frenchie. Their seat on the UN security council should be removed. Having the French as a permanent member of the security council w/ veto power is like giving your housekeeper the key to your safe. All they are is a bunch of surrender monkeys. You'd come home to an empty safe and house. "What the hell happened" you ask your french housekeeper? "Well" says the housekeeper, "a group of small soldiers showed up today at the front door, when i saw them i lost control of my bladder / bowels and granted them entry to the house. I told them to take anything they wanted including opening up the safe. They were very intimidating." Your flabbergasted. Soldiers? What the hell are you talking about? You then see a large box in the foyer with a note on it reading "Thank you very much mister. We will have the rest of your cookies to you in a few days as we cant carry that many in our backpacks. Yours truly, Samantha Baker Girl Scout Troop 2335."

LOL, I crack myself up. Stupid bitch ass Frenchies. Im boycotting french fries and switching to tater tots.

2003-02-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

Hello people, Im Jimmy, Jimmy Pink Cheeks. JPC is an alias of course, however, JPC is real and has real takes on what is happening in the world today. I may offend some people with my comments, but I really could care less if anyone is offended. Please direct all complaints to somebody who cares.

Last night I watched our President George Bush give a speech to prepare our country for war. He layed out a post-Saddam Iraq scenario, which means we (UNITED STATES) are about to steamroll through his oilpatch. The only thing holding us up is our long time ally turned extortionists Turkey. The northern front is essential to invasion, and Turkey is getting all they can out of Uncle Sam before they let our troops in. I personally hope we tell Turkey to stuff themselves and don’t give them a penny. 26 Billion Dollars in aid/grants? SCREW THAT! Keep that money here where we need it for homeland security.

Channel surfing late last night I ran across a show on the discovery channel called “Bioterrorism: The Invisible Enemy” hosted by Tom Brokaw. The show chronicled the use of bioterrorism over the last century, showing old soviet chem. Labs which could produce enough bio-toxins over one year to kill millions, and this production went on for who knows how many years. The soviets stockpiled these agents such as anthrax, smallpox and genetically altered “superbugs”. The program was informative, enlightening and alarming. All these stockpiles are there for the taking, or selling, in some cases. The program detailed how vulnerable our country is to a bioterror attack, the most vulnerable being an attack on the nations food supply, which is largely unregulated. 30 Billion tons of food is imported to our country every year, to which only 1% is screened. 1% ???

The Pentagon confirmed last week that Iraq had drone planes that are could be shipped to the U.S. in pieces and re-assembled, fitted with sprayers that could deliver a bio-terror attack to U.S. cities. These drone planes a small enough to be shipped in pieces in parcels no heavier than 20 pounds. Alarming huh?

So, we have decades of soviet stockpiled bioterror agents, we have an outlaw regime dictatorship in Iraq that is known to have some of these weapons, as found by the United Nations in 1998, we have a terrorist network called Al-Qaeda flying jet airliners into the WTC and the Pentagon, and still we have liberals that want more talk, more waiting.

When the hell are you idiots going to wake up and realize that Saddam Hussein poses a clear and present danger to the national security of the United States? What is it going to take to get you to stop whining about more time and no-war and do what is right, what is essential for our country’s future, for your childrens future? You may not like the President, but he is our leader and needs your support. Actually he doesn’t need your support, he’s the Commander in Chief of our military and on his word we can launch a military onslaught on whoever he chooses. How do you like them apples Mr and Mrs liberal whiner? GWB and JPC laugh in your crying peacenik faces.

2003-02-26T12:58:00.001-08:00

I slay.

2003-02-26T12:45:00.001-08:00

First off punks I'd like to say welcome to the World of Jimmy Pink Cheeks. Prepare to get educated.
Is this not the sweetest web page ever? I'm going to go stare at Drudge Report now.

Please, do not cry while I am gone.